Charis had her nine month doctor's appointment on Friday and I walked away really discouraged. I had hoped that she would be up to 16 pounds by now, but she was only at 15 pounds 8 ounces, placing her in the 5-10 percentile - yes, that is a drop. She also was really low in height. The first measurement showed that she had not grown at all, placing her 25.5 inches in the eighth percentile - yet another large drop. So the doctor had her remeasured adding only half an inch, which I estimate popped her up to the 25th percentile. With all of that we had a lot of discussions about her food and he wants her back in a month to check on her weight.
Not only is her growth under par, she also is developing slowly. It drives me nuts that she can't crawl. I have finally found a motivator that has her army crawling - food. So that kinda kills two birds with one stone.
We had some friends over Friday night and their daughter is one week older than Charis. She is crawling, pulling up on things and saying "mama" and "dada." I know I shouldn't get in the comparison game. Children always advance in some things and are slower in the others. But it is so hard not compare... not to feel like it is your fault... like you are doing something wrong... failing your child. I mean when you have a child you have great dreams and boast in their advancements, like when they hit their milestones early. When it doesn't come early you think, "She will just be normal in this." But when those milestones aren't hit in the predetermined time, you think, "Oh, she will be a little behind in this." Then more time passes and you think, "Don't be advanced, don't be normal, just be healthy." I am beginning to feel that way with Charis.
So I am really discouraged. I had a talk with God and asked Him to please test me in some other area of my life, not with Charis. She is just too little and too precious to me. I see that I hold on to her so tightly. I ache inside. I also see have little, meager faith. All I can pray for is that God will increase my faith... and help my little girl.
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6 comments:
Oh my dearest sister... I know that you are struggling so much with this. i will be praying for you guys. But just remember that our mighty God does not work on our timetables or on our's or doctor's "predetermined time" but His own perfect timing. You are not failing your beautiful little girl. You are a wonderful mother who takes great care of your daughter. Trust in God. His way is perfect. I love you.
I feel your heart, Moriah... and will be praying for your family. I was one of those "slow to strive" babies, too. P.S. I check your blog almost 2x per week, I just love keeping tabs on you guys, and Charis is so fun to chronicle. I don't often leave comments because I've got no normal parenting experience. All my stories revolve around abused kids who hate adults. Charis is very lucky to have you & Josh. And I think she knows how special she is, too.
T is so right and said all the things I was thinking as I read your post. Charis is a beautiful, happy baby with parents who love her. God created your family and knows what's best for all of you. I love you and am praying for you guys.
~Meg
Moriah,
I don't know if you remember us but I am Erin Jonathan and Josh was in our wedding 8 years ago. I know your struggle, my little guy, Jaron has been diagnosed with PDD a few years back and we struggle with multiple delays. He is behind in speech, and other developmental milestones. Take heart, there are support groups out there that can boost your spirits and reassure you that it is not your fault. God is good and he supplies ways for us to gain the reassurance as moms that we need. Praise God that she is progressing even if it is slower than you would like. I enjoy reading what you write about being a new mom and I remember those struggles. She has more than so many children in the world! I will be praying for you and Josh as you face these issues. If no one tells you remember that God is in control and He made you to be the best mom that you can be to that precious baby! Lots of love
Erin
I pray God will calm your heart, Moriah. Even though it seems unnormal for her to be struggling in some areas, her body will catch up! Remember my cousin, Savannah? She was underweight and NEVER crawled! She didn't talk until she was almost 1 and a half and she didn't potty train until she was four! My aunt was so worried, but Savanah is the tallest in her class now, runs all over the yard, speaks so much I wish sometimes she would stop, and uses the potty daily (turns out it was a control issue on Savannah's part!) Charis is not that far behind. And God has her life under His control! So try not to waste your energy on worrying...because God will work it out to his Glory in the end!
Mom's are the greatest at making sure we make ourselves feel guilty... especially about our children.
But guilt is not from God!
Every child develops differently, and even those that are "slow" in some things usually even out in the end... Brandi the babysitter- her kid didn't crawl until she was 18 months, pulled up at about 21 months, and didn't speak til she was 2. She is now 2 and a half, and basically just the same as every other 2 and a halfer out there... (FYI- most docs agree that most kids, even premies, catch up by 2, and a problem that persists after 2 is a real problem. The rest are just areas for improvement.)
Abigail couldn't jump until she was 2, which is really late. She didn't cut her first tooth until she was 1. She didn't sleep through the night (a full 7-8 hours) until she was 7 months old. And you know what? She's fine!
And she is happy and loved, which is more that most children in this world. Charis is blessed to be both as well.
Satan loves to find ways to discourage us... to make us doubt our Provider and the gifts and abilities He has given us... God may be testing you, but I'm sure Satan is using this, too!
Medically, when you have your check up next month, assuming you have modified her diet to increase caloric intake, if she has not grown, talk to your doc about the possibility of an absorbtion disorder. Maybe her body is having trouble USING what she takes in...
Love you. Call me if you want to talk.
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