So tonight is the first night that Josh and I will be leaving Charis in another's care. I did not realize how difficult it is going to be. The past few days I almost wanted to throw in the towel and say, "Nevermind, we will take her with us!" It is not that I don't trust the Huff's with her - not at all! I am just with her all the time. The longest I ever leave her is during a church service or a choir practice. Mr. Huff challenged me to make sure I wasn't being a child-centered parent (which is thinking I am the only one who can comfort my child and take good care of her, among other things). After our parenting class and seeing where that leads, that is the last thing I want to do. It is just really hard...
Some people don't really undestand this and it is hard to explain. They think the root of it is other things or that I should just stop walking down this path. There is truth to all of that, but again it is hard. But I need to do it.
If this were only about leaving Charis over night I would be making a big deal about nothing, but there is obviously something bigger behind it. I am not sure what it fully is, but I know I need to face it. And I know I must do it soon, or it will only be harder in the future. Man, I feel like I am going into battle.
On a lighter note, today I am getting more excited about my time alone with Josh. We are going to our favorite restaurant and staying in a King Spa room with a whirlpool. We have picked up a really good cheese and some fudge to enjoy nibbling on also. It is good for me to get away. It will be good for my relationship with Josh and it will be good for Charis to be watched by someone else. I just might need to call a couple times to hear her coo at me through the phone line.
The comings and goings of the Huff family... cute pics of the munchkins... and thoughts on the blessed life God has given us.
Let us fix our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.
Hebrews 12:2
2 comments:
Riah, you are not crazy. You are a Mommy. It is just something that you are going to have to get over. Just like when children are young and have separation anxiety, you as well need to realize Charis' independance is sometimes a good thing. Especialy when it's for the health of your marriage.
She'll be great, and have great bonding time with her grandparents, who are also key in her life.
You also know that you are not her number one. God is. He loves her more than you ever could, and yet He leaves her to you to take care of. She'll be great, and don't fret, you can do allthings through Christ who strengthens you.
i love you, and have a fantastic time, maybe a few phone calls won't hurt.....
mmmmwwwwaaaa
Oh my gosh! I am so glad to hear you say this! I felt the same way the first time I left Abigail over night- she was about the same age as Charis is now, and I had only left her for a few hours here and there- 5 at the longest. I was so worried about what it would be like to be away overnight- what would they do when she woke up crying in the middle of the night (she wasn't sleeping thru the night at this point) and what would she do when I wasn't there- I wasn't even excited about going away for the night. I though that it was because of my post-partum depression, but now I know that it's not.
I think this is probably the first step you are taking down the path of releasing Charis. She is not yours- she never was and never will be. This is hard, but you know it is right and good to be engaged in that process (sometimes I need to be reminded, even now, that Abigail isn't mine.) I think, for me, the struggle that I have releasing Abigail comes from 1) my selfishness- I love her so much and want her to be with me and want her to be mine and I want to be the one to benefit from the joy of her person, and 2) my conciet- I know what's best for her and I love her better than anyone else and I take care of her better than anyone else. Both of these are wrong- I'm sure I don't have to point that out. And I'm not saying this is your struggle, but see how you feel about these things.
The good news- once I left Abigail that first night, I actually did start having fun. I called about 2 times- once I heard her cooing, and she was asleep the other time. And the next time I left her, it was much easier. And more fun. I promise- it will get better:)
Love to you all!
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